I just found out that the Deming, New Mexico police arrested my ex on an outstanding Wyoming warrant of battery against a household member. This was five years almost to the day (same weekend of the Labor Day holiday) that he frightened me enough with his tyrannical, ridiculous demand to severe all communication with my adult daughter that I left his house. And I made the choice to say "NO" to such nonsense, knowing that division is the devil's tool and love is of GOD. Nothing of his demand (see His Own Words post at very beginning of my blog) had any love in it - nothing.
I pray no one was hurt during what I am sure was one of his Mr. Hyde tyraids. Was it an attempt to separate his new wife from her family, or did she assert her own will and he "lost it"? I've no idea what it was. I'm certain he tried to do what he watched daddy harry do with his wife/victim June - keep the woman isolated, try to keep her financially dependent, limit contact with family to reduce emotional support. Sadly, a woman who doesn't know the tactics of an abuser has no idea these often subtle manipulations are being used on her. When she comes to realize it, it may be too late. Women like me, who trust others naively, simply can't believe another person could be so cruelly manipulative. June, the bagad's (Hebrew for treacherous one, what I call my ex) stepmother, to this day has no idea that she was a victim of abuse. She simply believed she didn't deserve to be treated respectfully, and even made excuses for harry's nasty words and his tyraids against her. Another sign of an abused woman.
One of the things I remembered of my time with the bagad was that I had considered having eye surgery done that would have cost $5,000 to $7,000. He offered to pay for that and at first I agreed. I had even made an appointment to have it done in Houston - many miles away from El Paso. The closer it got to the surgery date, the more I heard from the LORD not to do it. And it had nothing to do with the actual surgery - it had everything to do with my financial and emotional indebtedness to the bagad. Imagine, had I tried to say goodbye owing him the payment for my eyes! He would have told me: "This is how you treat me, after what I did for you?" "If you leave, you'll have to pay me back." Any number of statements meant to either invoke guilt or fear of not having the money to repay him. So I canceled the surgery, and am so grateful I was obedient to what the LORD was telling me! What appeared to be a loving and generous gesture by him was actually a calculated move to keep me in debt to him. That is how people like him operate.
So, was he taken to Wyoming to answer for his crime? I hope so. Is his wife still with him? I hope not. He has become so crafty in learning how to manipulate a woman that, like a serial killer, he can easily pick his victims now. But the time between crimes becomes shorter and shorter. He can't control those urges of destruction he has and they emerge sooner and sooner. I do pray that any woman he comes in contact with can see through his deception quickly. And I pray no one becomes a true victim of physical murder. I honestly believe he is capable of that. Women are simply objects to him - they fulfill a function of sex and taking care of him. He also needs to control them so he can make them feel horrible - the woman being the archetypal mother who betrayed and abandoned him to his raging father. As I have said before, a woman's destruction is his primary goal in any of his dealings with them. No matter what he says or does, no matter how "sweet" he appears to be, he wants you to be a quivering mass of fear and submission.
When I look back on my time with him, I can honestly say I was sleeping with the enemy. How grateful I am to have understood what was occurring, to not break the vow I made, and to have learned to grow closer to my beloved Father. I learned not to believe anyone - especially one who claims to be the LORD's mouthpiece. I will only listen to my Father, the Holy Spirit HE has placed in me - the SPIRIT of truth. How do I determine what is truth? To see the Fruits of the SPIRIT in the situation and to go to Scripture. When the bagad said to me: "do not love your daughter", I knew he was not speaking the truth; the LORD would never sanction such a demand. (see the attributes of GOD in Exodus 34:5-7). I have slept with the enemy and have survived. Praise be to GOD!
