So I thought I would examine the use of Ephesians 5:22 and 5:24
Wives be subject to your husbands, as to the LORD. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.
This scripture is the mantra repeated again and again by those men abusing their spouses. Let me first make this note: dealing with an abuser is like dealing with a drunk. Logic and reason will never work when you try to speak with him. I am writing this to YOU - the survivor of mr. hyde, the pharisee, so that you know he is given more responsibility as a husband than the one thing a wife is to do.
First, examine verse 21 "be subject to one another out of fear of Christ". How conveniently the pharisee discounts this verse. Like his father, the devil, he twists and manipulates scripture, taking it out of context. When the devil confronted Eve, she fell to his manipulative words, when the devil confronted Jesus in the desert, HE stood strong in the LORD. Jesus knew exactly who HE was. YOU need to know who you are - you are a beloved child of the King. Anything told to you by anyone other than HIM has no validity. Think about the ways your abuser has been subject to you. It probably won't take much time, since we know its always about his authority over you with no reciprocity.
Yes, it is easy to submit to the authority of a man who has submitted to the authority of the LORD. Examine him....is he totally submitted to all that the LORD would have him be? How can you tell? What is the fruit of his life? Do you see the attributes of Galatians 5:22 in his daily actions? Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control? Or does he have the fleshy attributes of outburst of anger, jealousy, dissension, immorality, etc?
FIRST, we as wives are to submit to the authority of Jesus, then to our husbands. We cannot choose to be submissive to an ungodly man over our submission to our LORD. The man who demands that of you is in sin. HIS SOLE PURPOSE IS TO DRAG YOU INTO HIS SIN and you must say NO! Love IS NOT going to hell with him. THAT is not godly submission.
What does the rest of Ephesians direct the husband to do?
V. 25 To LOVE your wives. To love her so much that you would give up your life for her. How many of the men quoting the previous verse would do that? Not any I know! Then to live a life that sets your wife apart, sanctifying her and washing her clean. v 26, 27. Hmmm.....does that mean he calls you fat, ugly, vile? Wow, really?!
Then to love her, to nourish her and cherish her as you would your own body. v. 28, 29 Now I know that many abusers are filled with self-loathing, so you have become the object of vilification. He feigns arrogance and haughtiness, covering up his self-hatred, and projects all his hatred upon you. But does he regard you with even the smallest iota of the attention he pays to his own body? My pharisee had pictures of himself all over his house/office. Such extreme self-glorification should have been a warning to me to watch out for an ego like his. He may secretly loath himself, but does an excellent job of masquerading as a self-centered egotist.
Then the big clincher that my abuser could not do. He is reminded of the original mandate given by GOD to men - to leave mother and father and become one flesh with his wife. v. 31 For my pharisee, it was impossible. Although his parents are both horrible examples of good parenting, their baby boy has elected to follow in their footsteps. He rejects his rebirth into the inheritance of the LORD and continues to cling to the inheritance of cain. Jesus holds out HIS hand to the pharisee as he sits in his tomb of misery, but the pharisee prefers to wallow in self-pity and slaps away the hand pierced by love.
So please, my sisters in experience. Know that mr. hyde is a deceiver and manipulator. If you are with him, its because you have been fooled. He has appeared to you as a good man, but he is the slithering serpent, flicking his tongue to test your enabling kindness. If you are reading this it's because you are starting to see he has fooled you and you no longer want to be fooled. The serpent whispers that you must doubt the goodness of GOD's heart towards you. Shame on him, the disgusting pharisee.
Flee into the night as David did when Saul's greatest desire was to destroy him. 1 Samuel 19:10 May the LORD bless you with freedom.
