The tricky question of divorce and remarriage...

My thoughts today are prompted by my finding out that my ex, who I call the bagad (Hebrew word for treacherous one), remarried. When I found out, all I could do is feel a great deal of sorrow for his third wife. That Cindy LaFragola will also come to know the truth of who she married, and will need to deal with that knowledge in her own way. My heart goes out to her, as it does to all women who are caught in the snare of an abusive man.

Of course, if she is crazy-in-love, and she has chanced upon this blog by maybe Googling herself, then she needs to stop reading. She'll just consider me one of the bagad's ex's that had no idea how to treat this poor, neglected, child-man. She is his savior, his compassionate help-mate, the only woman who could ever really understand someone like him.

But if she's had an argument with him and she wonders if she's lost her mind. If she feels worthless and dirty after he has "talked" with her, then perhaps she will want to know if she is the only one who has encountered the Mr. Hyde of the Dr. Jekyll she thought she married. Oh yes, it is a painful revelation. It was for me. And I tried so hard not to give up hope, thinking his love of me would conquer all the baggage he brought with him from his past. That was not the case. He had no qualms about insisting on his own way, saying he was the authority of his house, and the woman who does not submit to the man's authority is going against the will of the L_RD. If Cindy does come upon my blogs, she needs to explore them from the beginning of when I started writing them. That way she can gain some insight to how I left the bagad's house in the first place - his demand that I stop communicating with my daughter and make a "choice" of obeying that demand or ending our marriage.

Now that I look back, I realize it was against the Word of our L_RD that I even remarry. Today's pastors have conveniently forgotten those words when it comes to divorce and remarriage, and the bagad has, as well. I will not write all the Scripture, but please read Matthew 5:32; Mark 10:11,12; Luke 16:18 and 1Corinthians 7:10. In the Gospels, Yeshua distinctly says that the man who divorces his wife makes her commit adultery and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery. Oy - some pretty clear words, eh?! I have made the decision that while my first husband lives, I will never remarry. That is obedience to the Word of the L_RD. Any thing else is destined for failure, for if we are to be HIS children and demonstrate our love of HIM by being obedient, we cannot rip out the pages or verses of the Bible that do not suit us.

Believe me, I do not judge those who have divorced or remarried. I just have come to understand that I was foolish to think another marriage might be successful if I was not living in obedience. It is also interesting to think of how I responded to finding out my first husband was remarrying compared to the remarriage of my second husband.....I was very sad with the first. With this second one, my only thought is extreme pity for the poor woman who he has deceived into thinking he cares in any way for her welfare.

I once asked the bagad what his intentions towards me were, and he could never respond. He is very clever, and will tell you what he thinks you want to hear, but he couldn't even do that. As the man that I loved, my greatest wish for him was to be the man G_D wanted him to be, to exhibit the fruit of a life lived in Messiah (Galatians 5:22), to show love to those around him so they would be called to Christ. Even with telling him that, he couldn't bullshit his way around my very direct question: "What do you want for me?" Because in his heart, he knew what he wanted. Like Saul towards David, he wanted my utter emotional destruction. He wanted me to feel as badly about myself as he feels about himself. I know I am loved, and all his lies, his accusations, his attempts to intimidate and demean me, were unsuccessful. It was a source of extreme frustration for him, and it was easy for him to "put me away".

The truth is the truth. We may try to conceal it, or ignore it, or distort it, but the TRUTH remains. And one day, we will stand before our Maker who will ask us what we did with what HE gave us. Do you think you'll be able to bs HIM? No. Oh, HE will see deep into your black and crooked heart, and you will fall to the floor. Hold on to Jesus then, be covered in HIS blood, so you will escape the wrath G_D will visit on those who are not covered. And yes, many who profess to be HIS are not. That was a lesson well-learned in the time I spent with the bagad.

Who was that nasty boy?

Time passes and it is such a blessing. Truly this year, after the third anniversary of the legal divorce from the treacherous one (the bagad), I have thought of him very little. Sadly, he comes up when conversation turns to idiotic and unreasonable behavior. When we need an example of a judgmental, angry, unforgiving and unloving "christian". Someone quick to condemn, someone seeking attention and admiration. That is sad, because it is those very people that have misrepresented the sweet and unconditional love of our Saviour, Yeshua.

Today is the first day of summer break. Ah.....what a wonderful thing it is to be a teacher! I know I'll never be wealthy, always have to count my pennies, but I am able to take time to soak in rest and peace. Some might call that lazy, I call it renewal.

Now I will focus on repairs on the stucco outside, on organizing the space I have in the garage to make room for my family.

My garden is a joy! I have planted the trees and shrubs that need time to grow so that in five years it will be a true xeriscaped landscape. As money permits, I will buy more flagstone and other pavers to cover up the dust and sand in the back. Now the plants will go dormant in the heat of the summer, except for those few that love the heat.

Yes, who is that nasty boy I once lived with? No longer my concern. Just the prayer that the TRUTH will always outshine the lie of his life, and that he will not be given the opportunity to ever again degrade or demean a woman.